With all of life's events that have occurred recently, I can tell you I have undoubtedly questioned my faith, my beliefs, and mostly myself. When you walk into a storm, it is an act of nature and is never foreseen. You will never know the outcome of that storm and that is what changes you.
During your storms, trials, and tribulations- you will change. You will come out a different person....that is what the storm is all about. You were MEANT for that storm, and that storm was meant for you.
Recently I have faced a number of storms. High winds, torturous howling winds (which were mainly critical and howling unwanted opinions, but you get the logic) but what I found in those storms.... was fear. You thought I was going to say something inspirational about how I overcame my fear during the storm? No. Let's face one thing, and we will not mention this again. Anything that is out of my control, is out of style! It is not cool. When things are beyond my control, and I have to have the ability to have faith in something beyond myself--[Insert hysterics]
I am one of those that will stay up beyond the latest hours of the night, thinking of all those things that I need to write down on a list and hoping that I remember them come morning- of course I could stop and write them down then as well. I am guilty of being the same person that will lay in bed for two hours thinking that, that pool of urine residing in my bladder is just going to disappear so I can return to an uninterrupted slumber. No, again. With those somewhat related comparisons above, I can tell you that I have waited for God to find me and found every reason to not find him-- or not to, I guess, fully accept him into my heart. Whether it is based on procrastination or depending on something beyond my control, I am not fully sure.
I've never embraced and/or jumped aboard the faith train, I guess because I never felt enough pain to where I KNEW I could no longer have control over. I had to give control to the only person, the only being, the only power that I knew could understand and empathize with my pain, my regret, and my ignorance.
>I< cannot control all situations. >I< cannot control everyone. Hey, and neither can you! (So now we have something in common, if we didn't already!) ( I also apologize for the overuse of "!" in my blogs- I am an excited talker/blogger)
I pray at night. I pray in the morning. I pray when I'm stressed, and I EVEN pray to just say thank you to God for sometimes just listening! I can't tell you that I have all the divine faith that I should, but I am growing in a relationship with God-- not only for me, not only for my husband (My marriage), and not only for my Children, but also because I want to see others do the same and not be ashamed because I have felt the peace in things beyond my control. I am not a veteran Christian. I have always known there was SOMETHING out there, that heard me...But up until a few weeks ago, I never embraced the beauty that was behind that listening ear.
My storms were meant for me. My storms were like none I've ever experienced, but they washed me ashore to something new, and something incredible that I have shared with my husband. You want to know something funny? My husband and I were requested to say a prayer about two months ago and we both stood in headlights like we were undressing in front of each other for the first time....Then we went back to kindergarten "Not it!" "No you do it first" "I don't want to!"
We were embarrassed to say a prayer. Something seemingly so natural. My storms washed away that embarrassment and has allowed a blossoming into full conversation about God and how now, we are embarrassed that we were embarrassed! (Did you follow that?)
So moral of all this mumbo-jumbo talk about myself...Embrace your storm. Allow the thunder to roll, and the lightning to strike. Pray to God for acceptance, peace, free will, understanding, a good dinner to tide over your sadness eating (Don't feel bad, I do it too). But know that even when he can't calm the storm, he will be there for you when that storm is raging AND when it is over. He wants you to need him, and seek him. He will USE you.
Love,
The Blissful Burrell
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