You know you're a Mother when..

It’s a painful road, motherhood. A constant cross of desire to be more, have more, and perfect contentment varying day by day sometimes by the second.

You see, sometimes I know you get so lost in motherhood and bettering your lives and every aching thought is about your children. Why? We wish we knew. We wish we knew what made us as mothers crave their arms around the back of our necks when we feel lost or alone. We wish we knew why when we looked at them we saw pieces of ourselves that we wanted to make sure were never broken again.

We get so lost sometimes that it takes us from reality. 

You see when I pray at night, I pray to God that when I close my eyes that he protects my babies while I rest, only to spend the next day yelling at them for things they can’t control, or accidents, or even sometimes because admittedly I just need to yell and they are so willing to cause chaos.

We forget about us. We forget about our husbands. We sometimes forget about the sanctity that makes our family whole, and that is our marriage. It sometimes seems so unselfishly selfish that we want nothing but the world for our babies, and thinking that we are the world to them. But the reality is, they are our every breath, our every heartbeat, our every second of adrenaline. THEY are what keeps us moving in this life – but we must never forget the man who made us a Mother. The man who gave us the dream of nurturing innocent little babies and yelling at their mischief.

So tonight, I will remember to pray for my husband – and to pray for his heart, his soul, his well-being and to also pray for him as a father. It’s so easy to get lost in motherhood, and maybe I’ll remember to pray for me too. To be a less yell-y mama, to pray for my heart and my soul and my well-being (AKA Sanity, which moms don’t have)

So tonight when you’re saying your baby lovin’ prayers (even if they’re 32 year old babies) remember to pray for your family and what made you a family. Your husband, the father of your children, and you too..

MommyHood: The scariest 'Hood'

 

 

 

 

Being a mom. No pressure, right? Even though it's like...the scariest.thing.ever

Let's talk about some scary things in life.

Regret, that's scary business.

Responsibility, that is some serious stuff.

#Adulting, it's unfortunately slightly inevitable

Those are some scary things, and yes; they all come with motherhood. Lucky for you! It's like someone opened up the pearly gates to little giggles, adorable baby faces and turns out they were a pack of wolves; and honey - you aren't the pack leader!

Oh, and Motherhood came with rules.

Like: Don't show your tits to anyone anymore, you're a mom! Cover those suckers up, even if you're breastfeeding; have some courtesy women....[sarcastic sigh] In fact, might as well avoid showing your tits to your husband too- they're not his property anymore.

Oh, and don't even think about ever doing anything for yourself again - motherhood will restructure your brain and you will no longer have to worry about doing things for yourself. #Momguilt

#Momlife is like a lifelong cult of worry, fear, and failure.

 

Those poopy diapers and sleepless nights look like the easy part now, huh?

 

So, all jokes aside now - Motherhood came with the biggest rule of all.

 

Protect your own

 

 

Sounds like the most innate and instinctive rule of all, right? So why do I feel like the only person in the world that can't protect my children? As a matter of fact, more often than not - I feel like I am the person that fails them. Now that's scary.

 

My children didn't choose me, and for what reason that God chose me to be their mother is often quite ambiguous. But nonetheless, I am here to protect them, guide them, and love them.

 

I take my job as a mom very serious. most days

 

 And on days when I can't, you'll find me at #meltdowncentral #allaboard and I'm not sure where you'll find my kids. Alive, and in my house. Usually. (sometimes they get out of their cages)

 

Days as a mom are overwhelming. They whirl by so fast that it rips the girl you were right out of your soul. You think I'm kidding? #momsunite #rememberingthegirlweonceknew

 

 

I think motherhood is a constant battle of trying to mold your children into their own beings that will be successful, kind, giving, and driven while trying to figure out who the hell you are - and where in the hell that awful smell is coming from.

 

 

 



 But the really scary stuff. The stuff that sends shivers down my spine and makes my neck hairs stand on end. Regret. Responsibility.

 

Regret

 

I regret when I am too tired to read one more bedtime story.

What if it's the last bedtime story you'll ever ask me to read you?

I regret when I get frustrated with when they ask me for things they only want ME to do.

Because one day, you won't care need me for the things you do now.

I regret every time I make them feel less important than my OCD

Because it's hard to realize the messes are only temporary and your childhood is too..

 

Responsibility

 

I am responsible for them I am responsible for molding them. For making them kind, giving, loving, and driven.

I am responsible for showing them how to love, and to be loved - and I fail, often.

I am responsible for the impact they have on this world as a result of my parenting.

I am responsible for their life.

 

They were created for me to be responsible for, and it is the biggest, scariest, and most rewarding responsibility I've ever had the pleasure and fear of having.

 

 

Being a parent has stripped my identity. It has taken everything I ever knew about myself.

 

I didn't know how much I could love.

I didn't know how much I could kiss

I didn't know how much sleep I could run on (which is very little)

 

I certainly didn't know how SCARY and terrifying being a mom could truly be.

Not because I think I will fail at times - I know I will fail

Not because I'm scared my children will fail at times - I know they too, will fail

 

But because even though I don't remember who I was before them - I can't imagine who I'd be without them.

 

#mommyhood